Idealistic--Unrealistic

Those of us with ideals on this earth are doomed to disappointment.

Hoping for perfection: always left with disappointment.

But to settle for any less than your ideals would be to trap yourself within the limits of what you already have.

And so we idealists keep trying to live life to the fullest in every way possible while at the same time ruining every chance at doing just that. I crave for the simplicity of my dreams--and yet it seems as if my life will become increasingly complex until my goals are achieved.

Contradiction.

If I do not achieve my dreams I will not die happy and in the meantime I am willing to endure misery to achieve a far off, probably unrealizable dream.

Contradiction.

And once you do achieve part of that dream, it interferes with what you had going before and throws your life off balance. Always struggling for that balance, as if it could actually be obtained.

Contradiction.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have such high expectations,

But I couldn't live my life any other way.

The hardest part of all, though, is trying not to give in. The further you get into the game, the more tempting it would be to just give up. Why search your entire life for an ideal you might not achieve instead of enjoying an ultimately less satisfying result that you get instant gratification from?

It's that question you hear repeated by adults to college kids over and over: what are you going to do with your life?

You always want to say the right thing in that situation, of course, and some actually believe that those things will bring themselves happiness instead of truly asking themselves what they want from the bottom of their heart and soul.

I feel like I've known for so long what I want and yet that ideal I've sought seems farther off than ever now that I'm closer than I've ever come before.

And so I'm currently at a crossroads:

I don't want money.

I don't want prestige.

All I want is to be happy--but the more I achieve, the more I realize the ideals I was once told to embrace are not all there is to life and that they bring little, if any happiness at all.

And so I cling to my own ideals: but in a society full of materialism and contradiction the path to happiness is a difficult one. Ultimately the people you make the journey with are what matter most--I just wish I was completely sure who those people were right now. The people I'd love to share my future with.

Are there any idealists left? Someone who wants truth and real life as much as I do; someone who doesn't want to climb the social ladder; someone who doesn't want to sleep in a haystack of cash; someone who doesn't want the newest Mercedes to go with their beach front villa;

Someone who just wants to picnic in the Santa Barbara sun with a bottle of red wine and pastries from the bakery; someone to debate politics and history with over a cup of coffee; someone who wants to live a comfortable, but simple life; someone who would enjoy doing anything just because they know that our minds are like;

Someone who wants to explore what the world has to offer and offer as much in return;

Someone who will search for truth and the ideal with me.




For now, I retreat. The meaninglessness of day to day occurrences surrounds me.

And so I forget...

For now.